Heights of eventfulness

I believe my life has been pretty eventful as a whole , but today stands out among a lot of other days .

Hardly did I know that getting up on at 5.30 on a saturday morning had the power of making a day so eventful . Got up at 5.30 all set to volunteer at the yoga festival , drove to the hotel with the sun still shying in the background and kailash kher's teri deewani giving me company . I reach the venue at 7.00 only to find that my team is not going to show up till 9.00 . A brief meditation session and a phone call later I decided to venture out for a short walk which turned out to a 1.5 mile walk ending at Al's breakfast . 1 hour and still standing in line for the pumpkin pancakes I had made 3 new friends who engaged me a very rare conversation on spirituality .

All charged up I walked back 1.5 miles only to find myself an hour later standing in the queue to see none other than President Obama . The line happily streched for 3 miles and we went and stood at very end but we had Obama's words in our head ..."Hope " and we hoped with our full hearts that we would get to see him ..joyously we waited for 3 hours and cheered for some unknown minnesota leaders but nothing could beat our joy when we got a first glimpse of Obama ...I was howling and shouting along with crowd , it sounded more like Brad Pitt had stepped in there , we were just blown over by his charisma .....

You would hope I would be done by the day by now , but the day was just starting , back home to dress for the evening dandiya event . Taking our own sweet girl time we were ready in 3 hours just in time for the 2 hours that were alloted to us . But today's dandiya was not just any other dandiya ....all the dance , all the giggles and secrets were all for a purpose , waiting for my buddy to propose to girl of his dreams and then dance in celebration for that . Thats wat you call a perfect end to the day ....1.10 am he proposed to her in front of all us and she accepted , thus becoming a part of family .

I am pretty sure this did deserve a entry in my blog ...now that it is here I can happily sleep off ...!!!

Disclaimer ..this is not my article but found it to be wonderfully true ..

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BEING IN TWENTIES - SOMETHING It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion... We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

The meaning of LIFE

"There was no meaning in life, and man by living served no end. It was immaterial whether he was born or not born, whether he lived or ceased to live. Life was insignificant and death without consequence. Philip exulted, as he had exulted in his boyhood when the weight of a belief in God was lifted from his shoulders: it seemed to him that the last burden of responsibility was taken from him; and for the first time he was utterly free. His insignificance was turned to power, and he felt himself suddenly equal with the cruel fate which had seemed to persecute him; for, if life was meaningless, the world was robbed of its cruelty. What he did or left undone did not matter. Failure was unimportant and success amounted to nothing. He was the most inconsiderate creature in that swarming mass of mankind which for a brief space occupied the surface of the earth; and he was almighty because he had wrenched from chaos the secret of its nothingness. Thoughts came tumbling over one another in Philip's eager fancy, and he took long breaths of joyous satisfaction. He felt inclined to leap and sing. He had not been so happy for months.

Oh, life,' he cried in his heart, 'Oh life, where is thy sting?"

- W . Somerset Maugham ( Of Human Bondage )

"It was one of the queer things of life that you saw a person every day for months and were so intimate with him that you could not imagine existence without him; then separation came, and everything went on in the same way, and the companion who had seemed essential proved unnecessary."
— W. Somerset Maugham (Of Human Bondage)

"It is clear that men accept an immediate pain rather than an immediate pleasure, but only because they expect a greater pleasure in the future. Often the pleasure is illusory, but their error in calculation is no refutation of the rule. You are puzzled because you cannot get over the idea that pleasures are only of the sense; but, child, a man who dies for his country dies because he likes it as surely as a man eats pickled cabbage because he likes it."
— W. Somerset Maugham (Of Human Bondage)

He had lived always in the future, and the present always, always had slipped through his fingers. His ideals? He thought of his desire to make a design, intricate and beautiful, out of the myriad, meaningless facts of life: had he not seen also that the simplest pattern, that in which a man was born, worked, married, had children, and died, was likewise the most perfect?

— W. Somerset Maugham (Of Human Bondage)

Go Green !!

As a kid I used to be such a pest if anyone was to drop a chocolate wrapper on the ground instead of in the dust bin ...i would glare down at them to pick it up and if they did not I made sure I gave them the guilty eye before picking it up myself and dropping it in the dustbin . Today in the morning walking along on a trail in a state park I saw someone had dropped a big McDonalds To -go bag on the side of the road . I picked it up and walked for a mile or so before I could find a dustbin to dump it in . I have always been a conservationist at heart picking up a few litters here and there and dropping them .

This year the conservationist in me has decided to do smthing about the litter we generate . Initially when I had come to the US I remember stopping into a friend's office and asking him to explain smthing , he took out a A4 size paper , wrote something on it and then threw it away . I instantly remembered the struggle we had to go thru to get A4 papers in during my undergrad . Understandably the latter situation was not due to some green ethics but basically due to lack of availability . Still it points to a important message , back in india we were not wasteful in our ways and would use/reuse things .

As more plenty has entered our lives so has wasteful spending . No wonder US is the biggest consumer on earth . I hardly find anything being recycled in this country . Tailors , cobblers , bartan waali all those classes of people are totally absent here . The idea is to just throw away smthing once you are done using it , or even if you dnt like it . Food , clothes , shoes , furniture , cars , this idea applies to all of it . And ya how I can forget my favorite topic plastic "Plastic water bottles" , seriously why does anyone on earth want to buy water . I still remember the days when we used to carry a bottle filled with water to school , well not here ... thirsty - grab a water bottle . A statistic I once read said the amount of water bottles american consume in a year can be used to make a road from the earth to the moon !!!! And ya adding to it the To Go culture ....a paper bag , 100s of napkins , plastic spoons , forks , big plastic pop cups etc etc

My idea has been to try and cut one plastic spoon , a plastic bottle and plastic bag at a time . I keep my own spoons and cups at work so that I dnt have to take a plastic spoon , carry a shopping bag each time I go shopping and my water bottle everytime I go out . Also trying my hand at recycling as much of trash as possible at home . I would in no way say that this is enough but it is first step . I guess it mostly a gift from my mom who has been a stickler for recycling ever since we were kids .

I did pick up a few books on recycling here and there and surprise all the things mentioned in it were all the things which we have seen our mom and grand mom's do at home . Although in their case all those ideas came up because of a entirely different need , a need to make do with what little they had available , in our time although the need is different the ideas still hold true I guess.

I strongly feel there is need to educate each and everyone around us about how our wasteful ways are impacting the planet earth and ya this is the only one we have so we better get it right this time around because as you guessed there is no second chance on this one.

The new age women(NAW) ...

Sitting in a group of people talking about women , you surely know what side I am on . I am always on the side of new age women , debating her responsibilities , her rights to freedom etc etc .

I was recently reading a book "Mother Pious Lady " which obviously warrants a new blog soon. I started thinking about what is definition of the new age women . We always find ourselves saying the NAW is the one who gets to choose what she wants in here life , she is no longer guided by what the man, in short the society thinks she should do and that is what defines her .

But if we were to closely analyse things ,is that really true ? I was just looking at all my fairer sex around me and analyzing what all of us spend the maximum time doing . The answer was right there staring at me - Shopping and looking good !!! . Beauty parlour visits , hair straightening , buying the new cute dresses in town , dieting ,gymming to get into the socially approved sizes and the list goes on . We are all pretty familiar with the sequence by now .

When we think of arranged marriage events of yester years where the girl was decked up in her best of finery for when the boy's family comes to visit her , asked to do a catwalk in front of prying eyes of the elder women of the boy's family , I am sure all of my friends "The new age women " can hear their inners churning with anger . Why are women being treated as show pieces , we the NAW will never stoop down to such levels . If a boy has to like us they should like us for what we are , the arguments are countless and never ending .

If we were to stop for a minute and look at all that we the NAW are doing the arranged marriage catwalk every day , every minute of our lives . We buy a new ( shorter!! ) dress every week , we do not allow ourselves to put on a ounce of weight , and at the end of the day all of us vie for same the approving looks from Non fair sex of the society .

USA is supposed to be the country of equal rights , men and women are equal , there is freedom of dress , speech etc . However the women have to come to regard meeting the societal standards of good looks also as one of their rights . She cannot face her partner without make up , the less is more now , showing some portion of the body is not enough , more needs to be shown each time . Even the lady who has all cures for souls in troubles , Oprah seems to offer the same mantra to women , high heels , color coded hair , tight clothes which you cannot breathe in , that is what is needed for you to find the real you .

Unfortunately I find myself getting to be a part of this race more and more everyday . I was once getting pictures taken for the so called shaadi.com and someone commented , pose delicately like a girl atleast for the picture otherwise no guy is going to marry you !!! . So is that all that is there to being a girl , posing delicately , wearing clothes that are super models have specified will be regarded as feminine , being size zero .

There is something that at a deeper levels makes us all feminine , our love , care , intuitiveness , the strength of character , our ability to place our families before ourselves . I hope our future role models can be so that we start to considerhoning these characteristics more important than

looking like some physically impossible divas.!!

Taking the bollywood out of our lives .!!

I was reading Midnights with Mystic and it got me thinking about the melodrama each one of us carries around in our lives. I guess mostly influenced by the emotional barrage that we see in bollywood movies :-) .

I have never been a very emotional person but have always had my moments of emotional outbursts . The happy moments I dnt really question but the sad ones I do . I think we as humans take ourselves too seriously at times and so when things do not turn out exactly the way that we want them to we start to despair coz this is not how we imagined our very own Bollywood movie to go .

Life is a just a beautiful story which we are watching playing on the big screen in front of us. We walk into the movie called life with no knowledge of how it is going to be and we live through it . Sometimes it turns out to be a awesome movie , other times a average one , but at the end of it that is what it is , just a movie that we are all supposed to njoy and then walk out off . So moral of the story eat all the popcorn you want , cry , laugh but at the end of it remember that it is just a movie which will end in the so called three hours . So why not make the most out of the movie and enjoy it to the fullest ?

I look at Bollywood movies that so dramatize the romance between the hero and the heroine, people going to the extent of killing themselves or giving up on their lives just because they lost a loved one . I often wonder after watching all that how much more of life could that person have experienced if they were not stuck in melodrama of that one single moment in their lives, if they could seen clearly through it and just said to themselves , "Ohh that turned out to be a not so ok experience , so let me just move on and see if there are any other interesting experiences to be had".

As some wise men have said most people have too many fanciful ideas about themselves and their future lives , if only the one person that you can be really honest with becomes you , right at that very moment all the melodrama will drop out of your lives .

My quest for my very own version of a simple , honest bollywood movie still continues :-)

Behind the scenes

The name NITR brings back many memories from the very first day of walking in the Ladies Hostel , till the final day of looking out of the auto to get one last peek at it . When we talk about the college days we talk about the hostel nites , our friends , the institute and its happening but one thing that almost always slips out is all those behind the scene people.

I think my college experience would not be complete if I do not mention these people . The first person that I still fondly remember is Chunni Opa , she was there was us every evening getting us all the things we wanted , she always had the most interesting stories to tell while she was taking attendance , she was also the person that I got to try out my oriya on and no matter how bad it was I always got encouragement from her . I will never forget her sincere attempts to find a Oriya Puo ( Good oriya boy ) for me to get married too. I think one of the most at home experiences that I had was when she invited us to her place for the pooja . Not just her all the Opas in the hostel were so helpful and forthcoming all the time , I am filled with gratitude for the love , care and the pampering that we got from all of them .

Who can forget Nakul bhaina , for every student in NIT JAM signified so many things , place to go when you grew tired of hostel food , place to hang around with friends , cool out the summer heat with infinite number of nimbu paani and lassi glasses and Nakul bhaina was the one who added the personal touch to it . I remember when I used walk in my final year into Jam and I would say Nakul bhaina ek coffee , he would finished the sentence by saying chini kam , dood zyada . That’s how well he knew all of us .

Then there was Nakul Bhaina for the mess , sameer ( hawa ka jhoka as we used to call him for serving us food ) , the maggi waali didi and all others who made hostel life so much simpler for us .

Moina bhai was always a permanent friend , giving us back door access to the printers in the SAC whenever we needed them . Everyone at the SAC office was almost like family to us , when we ran out of things to do we would drop in there and chat .

They say hostel becomes almost like a family away from family and all these people were surely one of the most loved people of our extended families

Life of insanity !!

Just finished reading Paulo Coehlo's Veronica decides to die . I find that I always find his passages very impactful . He has a amazing was of putting down life's great truths with some very simple words.

I have great respect for authors that can use simple words to convey the whole gamut of life. I always joke that I will one day sue authors ( primarily technical )who use really complicated terminology to communicate something really simple just for the heck of sounding intelligent. There is that complete other array of authors who try to make life sound more depressing that it is , the crime in their novels sounds more treacherous than it is ..all the stories are in darker shades of black ( i.e if there can be a shade darker than black , wherein lies the irony of their stories I believe ) . I can only manage detest for these authors.

Nyways coming back to this novel , I would think everyone should give this book a read , it very powerfully communicates the inevitability of dealth . If all of us believed our lives would end tmrw they would be so different , we will have not time for anything negative after all there is just one day left ...no one wants to die crying !!.

Rest I will leave it to Coehlo's words to communicate the meaning . This is written by a lady who had resorted to a life in mental asylum just because she found it too tough to go back to a normal society and confirming to the rules of the society . She thought living in a asylum was more of living because you got to be as insane as you wanted to and no one questioned it . But then because of a new young girl in the asylum who is about to die in a day she starts re-evaluating her understanding of life and insanity.

" But yesterday because of a piano and a young woman who is probably dead by now , i learned somthing very imp : Life inside is exactly same as the life outside . Both there and here people gather together in groups , they build their walls and allow nothing strange to trouble their mediocre existences. They do things becuase they're used to doing them , they study useless subjects , they have fun because they're suppossed to have fun and the rest of the world can go hang let them sort themselves out. At the very most they watch the news on television as we often did as confirmation of their happiness in a world full of problems and injustices."

The year of Art !!

I have decided to get back to writing my blog more often . I have so many interesting experiences happening around me and it would be a shame not to put them down in words .

I have been practically attending some or the other concert or a show every other week this past month . Added to that there has been the carnatic music class , the dance practices and the so called impromptu artsy stuff . It started with the Beyonce concert , that would be a tough act to beat in the shows i will ever witness in my life . The spectacle that was created in that live show was spectacular . The shows that came after that have been fun but now get compared each time to the Beyonce show and thus lose the race .

But then through all this there has been a new understanding or art and music . That art is of the higher realm , to be able to produce some kind of art a person needs to much more touch with his inner self , away from the head and able to listen to the voices around and inside him .

That is probably the reason why a brilliant piece of music or a wonderful piece of art has the capacity to instantly touch people because it touches the core of what we are and does not pertain to the logical understanding that each one of us develops out of our own accord.

Found this poem in my notes . Its in the book "Eleven minutes" . A simple and beautiful poem

For I am the first and the last

I am the venerated and the despised

I am the prostitute and the virgin

I am the mother and the daughter

I am the arms of my mother

I am barren and my children are many

I am the married woman and the spinster

I am the woman who gives birth and she

Who never procreated

I am the consolation for the pain of birth

I am the wife and the husband

And it was my man who created me

I am the mother of my father

I am the sister of my husband

And he is my rejected son

Always respect me

For I am the shameful and the magnificent one

Hymn to Isis , third or fourth century BC

Destiny

One of our all time favorite topics . Is there something called destiny , do we create our own destiny , is it all upto us ?

For me my opinion on destiny has been changing over the years but the pattern has been somewhat like this . When things are going great then it is I create my own destiny , when things hit a rough patch or more accurately when I have trouble keeping up with some of my tough decisions , then it is destiny and that is how it was meant to happen .

So past few years have gotten me to think on this subject believing and unbelieving it at the same time . It was only recently when I read an excerpt by Jaggi Vasudev that something struck a cord . He says 100 years ago if a 4 year kid died of a disease we would say it is his destiny . Today we have methods to make sure that a 4 year old kid does not die , what happened to his destiny now , we have changed our destinies.

Man has been meddling with nature in so many ways , when the first ice age occurred that destroyed all dinosaurs it was the destiny of dinosaurs . But now if we drown due to global warming it is destiny , we have created this . Man is becoming his own creator in certain ways .

As we are becoming more aware of our surrounding and the laws that guide it , a lot of things are coming out of the purview of destiny . It is only the things that we dnt understand that still fall under the label of destiny .

The thing that got me thinking more deeply on this was showing of horoscopes before marriage that is still very religiously followed in india . 50 years back a girl was married of to a guy from one of the families that were related to us or stayed in the same village as us . That was the extent of our social circle and so the girl's destiny lay in that village . Now we use the internet to find matches and are reaching out to people who we could not have contacted or even thought about 50 years back . So internet has changed our destinies in a certain way . Even after meddling with our destinies in so many ways we still believe that the stars above will tell us how each one of our lives are going to be .

Sadhguru says if you were to leave your life and death both in the hands of the creater then you can say " Ohh this is my destiny and this is how it is supposed to be " but now we want to meddle with our lives as well as our death and still believe destiny will take care of everything .

Maybe that to an extent is the problem with India too , we still believe God will come and take care of everything for us . It is high time we realize he will not , either we stop changing all of his creations to suit us ( which we would not ...) or take things into our hands and build them up responsibly.

Miracles do happen

I wrote the last blog about how I had decided not to run the race and was really disappointed about it . My friends and my sister kept telling me till the end something would work out but I was the one who had run with painful knee and I knew this was not something that is going to work out .

The come friday I just dropped in my running shoes , just incase I felt like running . So while driving to duluth my friends kept coaxing me alteast run a mile , how can you stand there and look at those people who are running ...all the while i kept saying ya we will see . I was so terrified I will have to make a decision in the morning about running the race that I could not sleep the whole night . I kept looking at the alarm clock just hoping it will not go off .

So when I got up in the morning the easiest thing seemed to be to just put on my race clothes, get there on track and hope that I can pull myself to the 3rd mile so that my friends can come and pick me up .

Well the race started and in no time I was at the 3 mile marker , my friends were out there waiting for me , surprisingly no pain yet ..i told them meet me at 5 mile marker , i will drop out there ... they met me again at the 6 mile marker , no pain still . I told myself if I can make it to 7 miles without any pain I am finishing this race by hook or crook . So miles kept going on and I managed to run all of . All the while I kept telling myself this could not be happening , this is a miracle and I am so happy I am a part of it .

In retrospect it just seems like if you really want to do something , things have a way of turning out ..my sister kept telling me that all along and then all the wonderful friends I have who gave me the push at the right moment . Had they not pushed me I would have been standing on the sidelines wondering how it would have been if I had run .

The more I run the more it is turning out to be life changing for me . Running no longer is about physical fitness , it has a lot more surreal experiences attached to it and I am lucky to have experienced them .

Disappointment

Ok , so I never thought not being able to run the half marathon would be a thing that will cause me so much grief . I actually cried coz I am able to do it which surprised me a little coz I am not the one to get all cry baby if small things dnt work out .

Thats when I realized how big a deal this half marathon has become in my life . It has become a part of my identity , defining the person I am and seperating me from people around me .

When I finished my 10 mile run last year , it was accomplishment that stood way up all other stuff and I wanted to top that with the 13 mile this year . Although I started training officially only 2 months back , all this while I have been doing stuff to get my body in good shape for this year .

And the last thing I thought would just happened . I got a runner's knee which prevents me from doing the thing that I want to do right now ..run . I still did not give up.. new shoes , swimming , rehab exercises and a hope that all will turn out well kept me going .

Then it all came down to yesterday , if I can run 3 miles without pain today I told myself I will run the half marathon on saturday . 2 miles down , all well , no pain ...i thot this is it and then quarter a mile later the pain came back again from nowhere . Thats it all my hope was broken there .

I still have a choice I can go sweat it out and see if I can run the half marathon or just listen to my body right now and say probably this is not the right time .

But i guess this one time around I will let my body win over my mind . Though the decision of giving up this goal is going to be a painful one to make ..both literally and figuratively ..:-)

Wardrobe Affairs

Staying in minnesota one of the major decisions you have to go through each day is how you are going to dress . Doesn't seem like a big deal but you have to be in Minnesota to realize the dilema that one has to go through everyday before deciding what to wear.

So how does a typical day start . You look outside your window , it seems all warm and sunny , had it been some other place you would have just stepped out wearing a normal t-shirt and jeans or shorts , its sunny right . But having become somewhat of a veteran here you should know better . So you sleepily open up your laptop and check the weather ..well seems like a warm day but you see again being the veteran that you are you look up the windchill ..ahh there you go the windchill is going to bring a temperatures really low .

My first orientation letter in minneapolis they taught us the importance of dressing up in layers and over the years I have to appreciate the wisdom behind it . So how does the process actually work ..you see in winters a typical day would be around -20 but then windchill might make it -30 , thats the outside temperature but then most of the inside places have heating , some places have more of it and some places and you need to be armed for all these situations , have the appropriate amount of layers .

Usually the it is transition between seasons the is most treacherous time . Even weather forcasters in minnesota have a tough time predicting at the beginning of the day how the temperature is going to be at the end of the day . So you are there standing in front your wardrobe deciding should I wear a full sleeved t-shirt or sleevless , should i wear a jacket - a fur one , fleece one or leather one ..will it get warm , how windy wil it be , what if it becomes cold should i take gloves - single layered or multi layered ones ( you cannot drive you car sometimes with the single layered ones bcoz your hands become too cold ) ....

Having expounded so many energy on making these decisions early in the morning you are all tired by the time you make your way to work and all the time you are keeping your fingers crossed hoping you made the right decisions for the day :-)

The spell is broken

My writing curse is broken and I do feel like writing a lot again .My recent interests are running into all kinds of public policy books and a general interest all around about what should be done by us , responsible citizens of India to change the country .

But before I start talking about India , I read this interesting thing in a recent book called the future shock (again will have to be another blog on its own ) . As our civilizations are expanding and we are moving away from home and leading a nomadic life , what happens to social responsibility structures. In earlier times people used to stay in the same place , go to the same church , have friends and relatives in the same area so it made sense for them to contribute to their communities but with this ever changing modes of our lives we no longer can call one place , or one set of friends or one even one country our own . Like the old adage we might not be here to eat the mangoes from the mango tree that we plant right now . So how does one determine ones social responsibility in these times , is it to your current place of residence , or to the country which sweated it out to provide you education , or where your immediate family stays . People talk about helping folks back home but what about the place which is your current home , do we not have a social reponsibilty towards this place .

Honestly for we whenever I volunteer at a american organization I just keep thinking , these people here have everything and they dnt need too much of my help , people back home lack even the most basic amenities , I could have been using this time to help them out and there goes my feeling of social responsibility . I feel more at home at the immigrant center coz it feels like more like helping folks back home.

Ultimately it becomes a question of who do you choose to help in this big wild world . One thing is sure to me , we are one of few chosen ones to be born with such privileges and we have been granted them so that we can bring about a positive change in this world. We just have to find a channel to be effective enough .

Once you start thinking of channels the first thing that comes to my mind is politics. No matter how corrupt or meaningless politics seems today it remains the first and the foremost channels for improving a society . Having said that it just seems too much out of the reach of a common man to try to step into the murky waters of politics and effect a change .

Then again there are the NGOs and the countless issues that each one of them is trying to address . As some one said with almost everything it is like standing on a grocery aisle , looking at the countless varieties of bread and choosing which one you want...:-)

The only thing that is clear to me as of now is I hold a social reponsibility to everyone around me but maybe because I understand my home country better I would be more effective in bringing about a change there . Acc to me the only issue that a country faces is the lack of self respect and mutual respect for their fellow countrymen which we have a severe deficiency of .The channel however is not at all well defined and neither are the ends . The search for answers still goes on...

So what after you settle down ..?

I was talking to Karin the other day and she asked me if still wrote my blog and I said well I used when I was settling down in this country but now I dnt . She told me I should continue writing since I have more of insider's view now .

I guess as the struggle goes down so does the creative instinct , now I no longer have stories of fighting the winter cold or almost failing in a class . Its the more comfortable life of driving the car , doing a job that you like , a kind manager , a beautiful house and time to pursue all kinds of hobbies .. in short living the american dream ...

But there is a lot more about the american dream that has enchanted me in the recent times ...Watching Obama become President has been like reading one of those old autobiographies of a leader rising from nowhere to take over the world . This man did everythin gthat almost no one does these days , he dreamt big at such a young age and had the conviction and the integrity to hold himself up through the entire process . I just saw the last season of West Wing where Matt Santos had a similar run and I could not stop but think , these are things that happen in movies not in real life..a man choses to hold on to his integrity, never to use negativity against the other guy , believe in himself so much that even though there are so many liabilities holding up against him he continues to soldier on .
We indeed have been very lucky to watch all this unfold right in front of us . I dnt know what it does to america but it sure has given a hope to loads of young people out there that if you need to something to change you have to get out there and believe that you can do it .

Teaching me more about the american dream are my students at the SHAPE center . This is center for immigrants from different countries who have come to US to find a life that is different than their war stricken , poor , corrupt nations ..where the situation of your birth counts more than your talent or your hard work . I was once talking to a Somali women about what are the common things that they see in their country . She looked down at the list which had things like telephone , refrigerator etc ..and said ohh these , we used to have them but now we don't because of the war .

I hear about people fighting with their own folks in most of the countries and then I look at the people that we see here in the US on a daily basis . You walk into a supermarket and you can easily see people from some 20 countries go about there daily routine buying the same flour to make chapati , tortillas or a pizza at home . Nowhere do you a sign of hostility amongst them , they have all learnt to peacefully co-exist with their new and old cultures. Then you wonder why people back home are still fighting with people from the same nation and it all starts seeming trivial.

Karin says she thinks americans are too cold and when she goes to India she sees the warmth in the people . I wonder where does the coldness in americans go when they greet you ,a immigrant to this nation with such warmth in their houses and treat you as a equal at work . At the same time where does the warmth in the Indians go when we go around butchering each other on the streets or backstabbing a colleague at work .

Ofcourse the above mentioned stuff nowhere negates the overly materialistic and lonely america , the confused teenagers , americas global policies and ofcourse now the recession which is taking the whole world down with it . Those would have to wait for a later blog though . However this nation offers hope and opportunity to a better life to so many all over the world that I sometimes wonder if I can find the magic vial that holds the formula to this .

10 miles 

It all started with a meaty 0.5 miles almost 2 years back and culminated at a awesome 10 miles yesterday . Well I would not call it culmination , there might be many more races to come but ya this would sure be a landmark to mark it all . 

I have been running off and on for 2 years now and slowly but steadily improving on the scale . One thing is for sure  , once you get to a point say 3 miles its so easy to stop yourself there and not proceed any further . 

The way I like to put it is that after 3 miles it is all in the head . If you can run 3 ..then you can as well run 10 but it all comes down to pushing yourself not to stop and achieve your maximum potential . 

The preparation for the race started by a gently nudging by a friend saying I should give it a try .

I had been practicing for the last 2 months going steadily upwards from 3 miles to a high of 8 miles until 2 weeks back I started getting cramps in my leg and thats when I started worrying if I could actually make it to the race . 

But the race day came and I was there cheered by my friends who unfortunately had to get up at 6 in the morning to drop me . The race day was simply beautiful . Early hours of the morning there were around 600 women aged 20 to 70 all participating in a 10 mile run for the benefit of the girl child . It was the exact time of the year with fall colors just starting to set in and the trail being right next to the missisippi river . The whole ambience was just so great that once the race started there was no stopping back . I used to run and walk , take breaks while practicing but on the race day the adrenaline rush just kicked and there I was running 10 miles at a strech not stopping anywhere till I crossed the finish line . 

At the end of it I was ecstatic , it was unbelievable that somebody who used to huff and puff for running half a mile had finally cruised through 10 miles . This sure goes down my diaries as one of my proud moments . :-P

Predictability of Future 

This is a question I have been pondering over a lot over the past one year . How is it that some astrologers who know nothing about you can predict your life so acurately ? What kind of patterns exist in this world if any . There have been almost the same answers every where , yes life is predictable but ultimately it lies in the hand of the human being to decide his course .

Recently I came across this beautiful written paragraph of predictiblity by E.F.Schumacher in his book Small is beautiful ( which btw I think every Indian should read ) .

Here is how it goes  " When the Lord created the world and people to live in it . He must have reasoned with Himself as follows : " If I make everything predictable  these human beings , whom I have endowed with pretty good brains with undoubtedly learn to predict everything and they will thereupon have no motive to do anything at all  because they will recognise that the future is totally determined and cannot be influenced by any human action . On the other hand , if I make everything unpredictable , they will gradually discover that there is no rational basis for any decision whatsoever and , as in the first case , they will thereupon have no motive to do anything at all . Neither scheme would make sense . I must therefore create a mixture of the two . Let some things be predictable and let others be unpredictable . They will then , amongst many other things , have the very important task of finding out which is which ."

Knocking on doors !!

Coming to US has taught me the beauty of something I call knocking on the doors . Although I seem like a pretty outgoing person , I have my decent share of butterflies in the stomach when I have to go and meet someone new or talk to them . I always hesitate in going and knocking on the door but then life in the US has taught a little about how nothing really bad can ever happen to you , there is always the worse you can rely on to cheer you up .

Coming back to the point , I knocked quite a few doors in my two years here and I have recieved so much love and joy from behind these closed doors that I have become a ardent believer in this concept . The first door that I knocked was of the Minnesota International center which has led to me to the homes of three wonderful families who have opened up their house and heart for us . It has introduced to me to Karin and her family who are now almost like home away from home to me . The MIC also let me to elementary schools in Minneapolis , where I got an opportunity to have lots of fun with hundreds of kids from kindergarden to the 8th grade , each one has offered me something to cherish and remember throught out my life .

The next door that I knocked was off my next door neighbours which gave me a whole group of wonderful friends whom I cherish being with ...

Then comes the door to the Barbara center for dance and the fergueson hall for music ..I almost decided to turn around and go back half way . the dance class that I wanted to join was full and I had almost decided to go back when the teacher asked me to go down and meet cythia garner who takes modern dance ..I went down the door was closed ..my first impulse was to go back but then I stayed on ..the door opened and I was ushered into a beautiful world of dance , which has given me something more than just dance moves ...an internal joy which is hard to describe...it also introduced me to a world of totally different people ..the world of artists ..the language of the heart as opposed to the language of reason that I am used to ..

And finally the latest door that I went in through..the Mc Donald Home for children suffering from long term diseases ...once again a totally different world and a entirely new experience ...

Here is my story of knocking doors and I believe I will continue to do that for a long time ..

Graduation

I have been meaning to update my blog for so many days now but it has been by far the busiest holidays ever . So this blog is now going to be the culmination of three separate blogs .

First things first …I graduated …seems like a big word and I was supposed to and tried to feel something like an achievement done or something likethat..Unfortunately all it felt like was a nice big party day with the colorful robes, joking around with the friends and walking up the stage to receive the cover for my yet to be received certificate.

I was more excited about my one week in the wilderness of boundary waters trip as a commemoration of my graduation and to celebrate probably the longest break I will get before I start working ..i was shouting around at the top of my voice telling friends about this once in a lifetime trip , shopping etc etc .

Ever heard of smthing called how things can change in just one day ..thats what happened on this wonderful sunny Sunday in the May of ’08 . I was all dressed up to take my shinny new car to the temple and get puja done as per my dad’s wishes . The friend I was supposed to go with called in and said he cannot make it …hmm well I thought let me get some medicines for the trip just incase ..off I went to Boynton , got 12$ worth of medicines , came back joked around with friends ..just when I got a call from my trip leader ..” Hi Akhila , Laura here , I have a family emergency at home ..I am sorry but we are cancelling the trip ..”….5 sec down ..10 secs down …I was numb ..now this cannot be happening , I remember telling myself ..this was one of my most eagerly awaited trips and adventures of all times ….how can it go wrong ..I was finding it difficult to compose myself …went home called a friend , almost broke down …called one last time to confirm if all that I had heard 10 mins back was for real ..Yes it was ..Ok relax …lets put backup plan into operation ..prepone tickets to the family getogether …well as you might have guessed by the flavor of the day till now ..tickets are non-refundable , non – changeable…

Friends are starting to call in ..we have other plans for the day ..one deep breath , I composed myself and off we went in my shiny new phantom gray Toyota camry ..and well what do you expect …I drive beautifully on the highways ..my first time without a trained driver sitting next to me ..and just when we are near the lake we were meant to go to,on a local road ..My car's bumper gently kisses a red car bumper right in front of me …déjà vu ..the same numb feeling is returning to me ..10 secs blank out …well I pull over like a obedient immigrant following unknown rules in an unknown country . A totally disturbed young girl comes out of the car …I am counting my secs and there she goes ..crying away to glory …déjà vu again ..a total blank ..”crying for a gentle kiss?? “ …what do I do now …I faintly hear her telling me she needed to call some one to calm her down ..she is very disturbed etc etc ..next minute we are in the centre of a busy marketplace on a bright sunny Sunday afternoon surrounded by cops , paramedics ..the fair lady who I hit is barking out a story off how everything in her body feels numb (all due to a gentle hit at 2 miles per hour??? …Americans should be crowned hype masters ..!!!) …my other alien friends with citations in there records called up to congratulate me for joining the club of law breakers …:-)( a friend in need is a friend in deed ) …

As if that was not enough at the end of the day I gave my dear roomie a slight neck massage by pulling up the window when she was looking out of it ..don’t worry she is still alive ..:-)

Wow that was quite some day …!!!

And so it has been for the rest of the holidays till now…a vacation worth cherishing …starting from the adventures in my new car ..to jetsking at 60 miles / per hour with the water splashing on my face ..sticking up live earthworms to fishing rods and watching them being wasted away since the fish were too smart to get caught ..weekend at the resort like home of bemmu atta with wonderful dancing ,singing , cricket , pool with the family …stacking away donations at the Mc Donalds home ..followed by a weekend of blissful camping in Itasca state park munching away at barbecued mushrooms , sweet potatos , paneer with mosquito repellant flavouring ,canoeing and kayaking till all my bones broke and finally hip hopping away in the zenon dance centre …

With 2 more weeks to go there is so much more to come ..!!!