Saptapadi

Saptapadi 

Saptapadi or Nagavalli is considered to the one of the most important events of the marriage . This is where both the bride and groom take the seven sacred vows of marriage.

My cousin Vijay had done a wonderful write up on marriage for his sister's marriage and as I was reading through that today , I thought I should share this.

An important post marriage ritual performed on the wedding day is Nagavalli. Saptapadi, the seven steps & the vows, form part of Nagavalli. The bride and groom pledge and declare to all those present that they have accepted one another voluntarily. Holding each other's hands, the couple takes seven steps, symbolic of the seven marital vows, around the sacred fire.
As they hold hands and walk around the fire, the bride and groom pledge the following vows:

1. Let us take this first step vowing to keep a pure household, avoiding all things injurious to our health.
2. Let us take this second step vowing to develop mental, physical and spiritual strengths.
3. Let us take this third step with the aim of increasing our wealth by righteous means.
4. Let us take this fourth step to acquire knowledge, happiness, and harmony by mutual love and trust.
5. Let us take this fifth step to pray for virtuous, intelligent and courageous children.
6. Let us take this sixth step for longevity.
7. Let us take this final step to vow that we will always remain true companions and life-long partners.

This is a very significant event in the whole marriage ceremony, and it is only when they walk seven steps together, that the marriage is complete legally according to the vedic hindu scriptures. 

During Nagavalli, a silk cloth cradle was made and a piece of sandalwood, a ripe mango and turmeric was placed in it to pray for an off spring as healthy as the ripe mango, as pure as the turmeric and as self fragrant as the sandalwood. This is followed by a fun filled event where the bride and groom fight over who will collect the gold and silver rings dropped in a narrow mouthed vessel.

Holding the bride’s left foot toe, the bridegroom then helps her tread on a grindstone called sannikallu kept on the side of the fire. The accompanying manthra (chant) says: "Mount up this stone. Let thy mind be rock-firm, unperturbed, by the trials and tribulations of life" and when it is finished, the groom adorns the bride's toes with mettelu (silver rings).  This is followed by appagintalu the official handover of the bride to the groom and ever since her family name is renamed.

Talambralu

http://www.sirishavikram.net/wedding/images/talambralu4_small.jpg

Talambralu

For most of us talambralu is probably the most fun event in the marriage . The bride and the groom shower one another with pearls & talambrAlu (rice mixed with saffron & turmeric). Another reason is the photos taken during talambralu are probably the best :-). I have been trying to look for the significance of them but so far have only found some superficial explanations , here is one of them.

This denotes the couple’s desire for happiness, enjoyment and contentment. Initially they take turns to shower the rice as it progresses it gets more entertaining when they begin to compete with each other.

Love

Diverging from my marriage research a bit . I met Karin today and she gave me this wonderful saying on Love , which I thought was very apt given the next big thing that is coming up in my life .

"Love is patient , love is kind . It does not envy , it does not boast , it is not proud . It is not rude , it is not self seeking , it is not easily angered , it keeps no record of wrongs "

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth . It always protects , always trusts , always hopes , always perseveres .

Love never fails "

Earrings

Earrings

Although earrings are not essentially a marriage symbol , most Indian girls get their ears pierced within a year of being born , I thought it might still be a good idea to understand the significance of earrings.

Here is the what the blog I referred to says about earrings -

According to Acupressure Therapy, the meridians connecting the brain pass though this area. This is said to help in the quick development of the brain. Hence, the earlier the ears of the child are pierced, better the results will be. In certain Indian communities, even a boy’s ears are pierced.

Toe rings


It almost seems like my search on meaning of  rituals has come to an end once Vaishali suggested that I take a look at this blog
http://nambikaai.blogspot.com/2010/03/significance-of-wearing-toe-ring.html

Here is what he has to say about toe rings

Toe rings usually made of silver have the following purposes that they serve -

1)  Wearing toe ring to the second toe has sexual/erotic effect. The reflexology texts also mention about treating gynecological problems by massaging the second toe. 

2)There is also a belief that the wearing of toe rings press on certain nerves that pertain to the reproductive system, keeping it in balance and healthy. . The Indians believe that your "prana" or life force must be in balance in order for you to stay healthy. All of the paths of your "prana" run down to your toes, so the idea that a marital symbol could double up as a reproductive enhancer is not a big stretch.

3) This is a ring with two or three line rounds, worn in their second finger from toe. By wearing this in both feet, it is believed, that their menstrual cycle course is regularized with even intervals. 

4) Also it is said just because that particular nerve in the second finger from toe, also connects the uteruses and passes thru heart. Because of this, the constant friction caused while walking and doing all sorts of chores during a day, it revitalizes the productivity organs. Silver being a good conductor, it also absorbs the energy from the polar energies from the earth and passes it to the body, thus refreshing whole body system.

Some men frequently wore a ring on the big toe for curative purposes or to augment their masculine vigor.

To keep everyone up to date on the items that are there next in my list , here are some of the things people around me suggested i study about

1) Snatakam
2) Saptapadi
3) Marriage symbolisms such as toe rings , kumkum etc
4) Talambralu

Kashi Yatra

Based on the traditional hindu system , a person's life is divided into four ashramas. A person spends his life in each one of the ashramas

Brahmcharya - The first 12 years of this stage a child is supposed just be a child i.e they can play and frolic around and be pampered by their parents . In the 12th year the child is sent to the gurukul to gain education under a learned master.

Grihashta - Once the student is done is with his learning , he is given two options , one is to take the house holders life or the other is to pick the ascetic life. Girhastha is the name given to the householders life.

Vanaprastha - After fullfilling their worldly duties and sending their kids off to gurukul , the husband and wife now pursue their own spiritual journeys , they set out separately in search of truth.

The shashtipurti celebration ( 60th bday celebration ) is when both the husband and wife return from their spiritual quests, they are now deemed as new people who have been reborn and so are remarried again as a part of the shashitpurti ceremony.

Sanyasa - Eventually the husband and wife renounce the worldly pleasures and settle down for a life of ascetism in the forest till they die.

Kashi Yatra is a ceremony that symbolizes the transition from brahmyacharya to grihastha ashrama. The groom says he has finished his education and now wants to take up a life of a ascetic and so he wants to head to Kashi . The brides father or brother then convince the groom by telling about the qualities of their daughter and advising him as to how a householders life is going to benefit him.

Arundhati nakshatram

There is a ceremony in the south indian marriage where the husband takes the wife and shows her the Arundhati vashishta combination. One popular story is that Arundhati was the dedicated wife of sage Vashistha and that is the reason the wife is shown the arundhati star basically to show her the model wife .

But there is also a scientific explanation for this . The star constellation of Arundhati and Vashishta is one in which one star does not revolve around the other instead they both orbit the same center of mass of theirs, and they travel through the cosmos together . So the star constellation is actually a symbolism of how a husband and wife should be . They should both support each other and travel towards a common goal together instead of one being the center and other serving them all along.

Mangalsutra

My first post on hindu marriage customs . All of us follow the wearing of the mangalsutra so sincerely but have we ever wondered why it was done to start with . Here is one explanation

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-932US7Ouk

The three knots symbolize three different aspects of a married woman -

the first knot represents her obedience to her husband, the second to his parents and the third represents her respect for God.

Apart from the mangalsutra, the Toe rings, the Kumkum, bangles, Nallapoosalu and nose ring form the six sacred symbols that indicate the woman is married.

Vaishali and I were looking for further meaning on why the mangalsutra or for that matter any other symbolism is worn by the woman , there seems to be nothing for the man . And it seemed like this was a recent change . In the vedic times women were supposed to be the ones who called the shots in marriage , it is only later than women started being treated as objects for marriage. And to support this theory we found something else.

"Historically, the custom of tying a mangalsutra, the auspicious emblem or cord, on the wedding day, appears to have become popular only after the 6th century AD. Before this, a yellow protective cord known as 'kankanabandhana' was tied around the wrists of the bride and the groom to signal their commitment to marriage."

So as the post suggests , earlier on both man and woman followed the same rituals but then as time progressed the symbolisms were all just passed on to the woman.


Remember the famous song from Saathiya ....every wondered what that meant , it is basically a mantra that is chanted when tying the mangalsutra


Mangalyam Thanthunanena mama jeevana hethuna Kante badhnami subhake sanjeeva sarathas satham” 

Its meaning is: “This is a sacred thread which helps in keeping me alive. I am placing this around your neck so that you can live happily for a hundred years”


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q44WFMeb7Hg&feature=related

Relationships Recap

Before I moved on to talk about the customs in marriage , I thought I should recap a bit and talk about the main influences that have laid down the path of marital relationship so far for me .

Over the last couple of years I got back to reading a lot on spirituality and that led to me Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev and Osho . Osho in particular defined my relationship theories ( as I like to call them ) a lot .

Some of the major takeaways for me where -

1) Most relationships fail because of the amount of expectation in them. We always expect the other person to make us feel a certain way and if they make us feel good , we define that as love and if they do not we define that as hate . But is that really love , love is a all encompassing feeling that one feels towards another person .

So my first lesson was - Define your expectations . Are the expectations from the other person or from yourself . The latter is fine , but the former is mostly unrealistic.

2) Don't count on the other person making you happy . Happiness is a instrinsic quality and it is never defined by the other person . A person can only be happy if he/she chooses to be happy.For ex - you have a crappy day at work , but your spouse has just cooked a awesome dinner for you . If you look at it this should have made you happy , but the problem is on your own you are not happy so no matter what happens on the outside nothing can make you happy.

3) Communication with the other person is always about understanding why you feel a certain why in a particular situation and never about what the other person did that you did not like . Any time you focus on the latter , communication will never flow through smoothly. Also once the focus shifts on why you feel a certain way there is a great understanding that happens , you get to learn more about yourself and your prejudices , in turn you become more honest with yourself . Greater the honesty with oneself , greater is your ability to accept other person because knowing your failings you can be more understanding towards others failings.

For ex - you were brought up in a house hold where money was very carefully spent , your spouse on the other hand spends more than you do . There will be a constant conflict if you do not understand the root your discomfort with their spending habits .Once you know why you are uncomfortable automatically you will know how to handle the other's spending habits.

4) And last Love is decision , not just a one time feeling . It is very easy to fall in as well as out of love but only when you decide you are going to sail through it would you continue to put in effort every day to get back the love . Also you need to realize that just like you fall in and out , so does your spouse and if you can both be honest about it , eventually love will become all encompassing.

The Traditional Hindu Marriage

I was whiling away time and complaining about how I really don't have anything worthwhile to do , that when my fiance' suggested I build something important.

Looking around I realized I have always wanted to understand the system of traditional hindu marriage so that I do not sit around blindly when the ceremonies finally happen. So I decided this is going to be it . My blog for a next 2 months is going to be a on going research on hindu marriages and what defines them .

More to follow soon .