Destiny

One of our all time favorite topics . Is there something called destiny , do we create our own destiny , is it all upto us ?

For me my opinion on destiny has been changing over the years but the pattern has been somewhat like this . When things are going great then it is I create my own destiny , when things hit a rough patch or more accurately when I have trouble keeping up with some of my tough decisions , then it is destiny and that is how it was meant to happen .

So past few years have gotten me to think on this subject believing and unbelieving it at the same time . It was only recently when I read an excerpt by Jaggi Vasudev that something struck a cord . He says 100 years ago if a 4 year kid died of a disease we would say it is his destiny . Today we have methods to make sure that a 4 year old kid does not die , what happened to his destiny now , we have changed our destinies.

Man has been meddling with nature in so many ways , when the first ice age occurred that destroyed all dinosaurs it was the destiny of dinosaurs . But now if we drown due to global warming it is destiny , we have created this . Man is becoming his own creator in certain ways .

As we are becoming more aware of our surrounding and the laws that guide it , a lot of things are coming out of the purview of destiny . It is only the things that we dnt understand that still fall under the label of destiny .

The thing that got me thinking more deeply on this was showing of horoscopes before marriage that is still very religiously followed in india . 50 years back a girl was married of to a guy from one of the families that were related to us or stayed in the same village as us . That was the extent of our social circle and so the girl's destiny lay in that village . Now we use the internet to find matches and are reaching out to people who we could not have contacted or even thought about 50 years back . So internet has changed our destinies in a certain way . Even after meddling with our destinies in so many ways we still believe that the stars above will tell us how each one of our lives are going to be .

Sadhguru says if you were to leave your life and death both in the hands of the creater then you can say " Ohh this is my destiny and this is how it is supposed to be " but now we want to meddle with our lives as well as our death and still believe destiny will take care of everything .

Maybe that to an extent is the problem with India too , we still believe God will come and take care of everything for us . It is high time we realize he will not , either we stop changing all of his creations to suit us ( which we would not ...) or take things into our hands and build them up responsibly.

Miracles do happen

I wrote the last blog about how I had decided not to run the race and was really disappointed about it . My friends and my sister kept telling me till the end something would work out but I was the one who had run with painful knee and I knew this was not something that is going to work out .

The come friday I just dropped in my running shoes , just incase I felt like running . So while driving to duluth my friends kept coaxing me alteast run a mile , how can you stand there and look at those people who are running ...all the while i kept saying ya we will see . I was so terrified I will have to make a decision in the morning about running the race that I could not sleep the whole night . I kept looking at the alarm clock just hoping it will not go off .

So when I got up in the morning the easiest thing seemed to be to just put on my race clothes, get there on track and hope that I can pull myself to the 3rd mile so that my friends can come and pick me up .

Well the race started and in no time I was at the 3 mile marker , my friends were out there waiting for me , surprisingly no pain yet ..i told them meet me at 5 mile marker , i will drop out there ... they met me again at the 6 mile marker , no pain still . I told myself if I can make it to 7 miles without any pain I am finishing this race by hook or crook . So miles kept going on and I managed to run all of . All the while I kept telling myself this could not be happening , this is a miracle and I am so happy I am a part of it .

In retrospect it just seems like if you really want to do something , things have a way of turning out ..my sister kept telling me that all along and then all the wonderful friends I have who gave me the push at the right moment . Had they not pushed me I would have been standing on the sidelines wondering how it would have been if I had run .

The more I run the more it is turning out to be life changing for me . Running no longer is about physical fitness , it has a lot more surreal experiences attached to it and I am lucky to have experienced them .

Disappointment

Ok , so I never thought not being able to run the half marathon would be a thing that will cause me so much grief . I actually cried coz I am able to do it which surprised me a little coz I am not the one to get all cry baby if small things dnt work out .

Thats when I realized how big a deal this half marathon has become in my life . It has become a part of my identity , defining the person I am and seperating me from people around me .

When I finished my 10 mile run last year , it was accomplishment that stood way up all other stuff and I wanted to top that with the 13 mile this year . Although I started training officially only 2 months back , all this while I have been doing stuff to get my body in good shape for this year .

And the last thing I thought would just happened . I got a runner's knee which prevents me from doing the thing that I want to do right now ..run . I still did not give up.. new shoes , swimming , rehab exercises and a hope that all will turn out well kept me going .

Then it all came down to yesterday , if I can run 3 miles without pain today I told myself I will run the half marathon on saturday . 2 miles down , all well , no pain ...i thot this is it and then quarter a mile later the pain came back again from nowhere . Thats it all my hope was broken there .

I still have a choice I can go sweat it out and see if I can run the half marathon or just listen to my body right now and say probably this is not the right time .

But i guess this one time around I will let my body win over my mind . Though the decision of giving up this goal is going to be a painful one to make ..both literally and figuratively ..:-)

Wardrobe Affairs

Staying in minnesota one of the major decisions you have to go through each day is how you are going to dress . Doesn't seem like a big deal but you have to be in Minnesota to realize the dilema that one has to go through everyday before deciding what to wear.

So how does a typical day start . You look outside your window , it seems all warm and sunny , had it been some other place you would have just stepped out wearing a normal t-shirt and jeans or shorts , its sunny right . But having become somewhat of a veteran here you should know better . So you sleepily open up your laptop and check the weather ..well seems like a warm day but you see again being the veteran that you are you look up the windchill ..ahh there you go the windchill is going to bring a temperatures really low .

My first orientation letter in minneapolis they taught us the importance of dressing up in layers and over the years I have to appreciate the wisdom behind it . So how does the process actually work ..you see in winters a typical day would be around -20 but then windchill might make it -30 , thats the outside temperature but then most of the inside places have heating , some places have more of it and some places and you need to be armed for all these situations , have the appropriate amount of layers .

Usually the it is transition between seasons the is most treacherous time . Even weather forcasters in minnesota have a tough time predicting at the beginning of the day how the temperature is going to be at the end of the day . So you are there standing in front your wardrobe deciding should I wear a full sleeved t-shirt or sleevless , should i wear a jacket - a fur one , fleece one or leather one ..will it get warm , how windy wil it be , what if it becomes cold should i take gloves - single layered or multi layered ones ( you cannot drive you car sometimes with the single layered ones bcoz your hands become too cold ) ....

Having expounded so many energy on making these decisions early in the morning you are all tired by the time you make your way to work and all the time you are keeping your fingers crossed hoping you made the right decisions for the day :-)

The spell is broken

My writing curse is broken and I do feel like writing a lot again .My recent interests are running into all kinds of public policy books and a general interest all around about what should be done by us , responsible citizens of India to change the country .

But before I start talking about India , I read this interesting thing in a recent book called the future shock (again will have to be another blog on its own ) . As our civilizations are expanding and we are moving away from home and leading a nomadic life , what happens to social responsibility structures. In earlier times people used to stay in the same place , go to the same church , have friends and relatives in the same area so it made sense for them to contribute to their communities but with this ever changing modes of our lives we no longer can call one place , or one set of friends or one even one country our own . Like the old adage we might not be here to eat the mangoes from the mango tree that we plant right now . So how does one determine ones social responsibility in these times , is it to your current place of residence , or to the country which sweated it out to provide you education , or where your immediate family stays . People talk about helping folks back home but what about the place which is your current home , do we not have a social reponsibilty towards this place .

Honestly for we whenever I volunteer at a american organization I just keep thinking , these people here have everything and they dnt need too much of my help , people back home lack even the most basic amenities , I could have been using this time to help them out and there goes my feeling of social responsibility . I feel more at home at the immigrant center coz it feels like more like helping folks back home.

Ultimately it becomes a question of who do you choose to help in this big wild world . One thing is sure to me , we are one of few chosen ones to be born with such privileges and we have been granted them so that we can bring about a positive change in this world. We just have to find a channel to be effective enough .

Once you start thinking of channels the first thing that comes to my mind is politics. No matter how corrupt or meaningless politics seems today it remains the first and the foremost channels for improving a society . Having said that it just seems too much out of the reach of a common man to try to step into the murky waters of politics and effect a change .

Then again there are the NGOs and the countless issues that each one of them is trying to address . As some one said with almost everything it is like standing on a grocery aisle , looking at the countless varieties of bread and choosing which one you want...:-)

The only thing that is clear to me as of now is I hold a social reponsibility to everyone around me but maybe because I understand my home country better I would be more effective in bringing about a change there . Acc to me the only issue that a country faces is the lack of self respect and mutual respect for their fellow countrymen which we have a severe deficiency of .The channel however is not at all well defined and neither are the ends . The search for answers still goes on...

So what after you settle down ..?

I was talking to Karin the other day and she asked me if still wrote my blog and I said well I used when I was settling down in this country but now I dnt . She told me I should continue writing since I have more of insider's view now .

I guess as the struggle goes down so does the creative instinct , now I no longer have stories of fighting the winter cold or almost failing in a class . Its the more comfortable life of driving the car , doing a job that you like , a kind manager , a beautiful house and time to pursue all kinds of hobbies .. in short living the american dream ...

But there is a lot more about the american dream that has enchanted me in the recent times ...Watching Obama become President has been like reading one of those old autobiographies of a leader rising from nowhere to take over the world . This man did everythin gthat almost no one does these days , he dreamt big at such a young age and had the conviction and the integrity to hold himself up through the entire process . I just saw the last season of West Wing where Matt Santos had a similar run and I could not stop but think , these are things that happen in movies not in real life..a man choses to hold on to his integrity, never to use negativity against the other guy , believe in himself so much that even though there are so many liabilities holding up against him he continues to soldier on .
We indeed have been very lucky to watch all this unfold right in front of us . I dnt know what it does to america but it sure has given a hope to loads of young people out there that if you need to something to change you have to get out there and believe that you can do it .

Teaching me more about the american dream are my students at the SHAPE center . This is center for immigrants from different countries who have come to US to find a life that is different than their war stricken , poor , corrupt nations ..where the situation of your birth counts more than your talent or your hard work . I was once talking to a Somali women about what are the common things that they see in their country . She looked down at the list which had things like telephone , refrigerator etc ..and said ohh these , we used to have them but now we don't because of the war .

I hear about people fighting with their own folks in most of the countries and then I look at the people that we see here in the US on a daily basis . You walk into a supermarket and you can easily see people from some 20 countries go about there daily routine buying the same flour to make chapati , tortillas or a pizza at home . Nowhere do you a sign of hostility amongst them , they have all learnt to peacefully co-exist with their new and old cultures. Then you wonder why people back home are still fighting with people from the same nation and it all starts seeming trivial.

Karin says she thinks americans are too cold and when she goes to India she sees the warmth in the people . I wonder where does the coldness in americans go when they greet you ,a immigrant to this nation with such warmth in their houses and treat you as a equal at work . At the same time where does the warmth in the Indians go when we go around butchering each other on the streets or backstabbing a colleague at work .

Ofcourse the above mentioned stuff nowhere negates the overly materialistic and lonely america , the confused teenagers , americas global policies and ofcourse now the recession which is taking the whole world down with it . Those would have to wait for a later blog though . However this nation offers hope and opportunity to a better life to so many all over the world that I sometimes wonder if I can find the magic vial that holds the formula to this .